Wednesday, February 16, 2011

free write (my father always)

 free write (my father always) My father was always in his own world. He was an engineer and designer, so it seemed like he was constantly far away in thought, about some machine he was designing or building. It was as if he never stopped working. He was extremely intelligent, and I think he needed his mind occupied with something just to keep from being annoyed with the world of less intelligent people around him. Occasionally there was loving interaction with the family, but most of the time we were on guard. He had undiagnosed Terets Syndrome that caused him to have sudden outbursts of profanity of banging his fist on to the table. If one of us would ask him what was the mater he would look at us blankly and innocently respond “nothing”. He had no idea what had happened just seconds before. When he was 59 he was diagnosed with brain cancer and under went radiation to his brain. On the drive to get a treatment my parents stopped to get gas. My father went in to the station and followed a small framed gas attendant out, as he mumbled “stupid stupid little man” all the way to the pump. My mother was in the car watching my intimidating father belittle this pore man, and not even know he was doing it. That was the last time my father suffered from Terrets. After the radiation treatment the Terets stopped. With in the following year my fathers mind determinate to the point that he was afraid that he would soon become a burden. A family reunion was held at my parents home, where we all had a chance to spend some quality time with Dad and say our good by’s, knowing this would be our last chance. I was the last of the guests to leave, shortly after which my father told my mother to go see her mother. She drove down the quarter mile driveway and waited. With in a few minutes she heard the gun shot..
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